{Cheese and Beans}

It would appear that if a computer keyboard is within reach of my insane fingers, I will meddle with the theme of this blog. Given a little reflection, it seems the years of studying, industry experience and hard bitten cynicism were eventually intended to service my Wordpress theme fiddling problem.

It’s terrible. I have the knowledge to build Wordpress (many moons ago I did just that – and I expect none of my readers will know too much about that) – and yet I spend spare moments tinkering. No grand plans and projects for me – if given the opportunity I won’t so much as start building the next Apollo 11, as make sure all the wheelnuts on the rocket tractor are shiny.

It’s pretty bad, isn’t it.

In other news I’m sat here – just gone 10pm GMT in the UK – listening to a band I found called “Owl City”. I discovered them quite randomly the other day. Calling “them” a “band” is something of a misnomer. It’s one very talented guy and his computer. Sounds good though. It’s on now… except of course you can’t hear it because (a) you’re not here, and (b) you’re probably reading this hours or days after I went to bed.

I’m trying hard not to think about theme fiddlage, honest. I know “fiddlage” isn’t a real word, before the English police jump on me. It’s quite a responsibility you know – maintaining language standards – especially when you are English, and expected to write and speak your native tongue wonderfully.

I’m no Shakespeare.

Heh. This is an achievement – I’ve written an appallingly constructed post that has no real subject, no direction, and no point. That’s got to be worth something hasn’t it ?

My once mighty notebook – a “Moleskine” no less – seems to have been reduced to a container of drivel. A real-world twitter account. Notes in passing. There was a time when it – or its ancestors – carried deep thoughts, observations, drawings, and various other brain dumpage.

I’m not sure if I should be concerned or not. Perhaps the more important thing is that I have the notebook, and that I’m at least recording something in it from time to time.

I’m off work with a cold. I can’t quite figure out how it crept up on me – yesterday evening I was fine; this morning I felt like my brain had been put in backwards.

Putting words together in any kind of sensible, lucid manner is proving difficult – hence the decision early this morning that attempting to instruct a computer to do anything similarly planned or constructive might be a bad idea.

I think this may be the second “real” day off sick since the girls arrived in February 2008. I say “real”, because I invariably end up working if I am at home.

The itinerary for the day so far has consisted of wrapping myself in old tracksuit bottoms and a fleece top, pulling on the oldest, thickest socks I could find (Simpsons slipper socks, it you really need to know), drinking multiple cups of sugar laden tea, and attempting to quietly watch a movie or two.

I just finished watching “Little Children” – Kate Winslet is lost, unhappy, and lonely – living in picket-fence middle America, and finds herself pursuing and becoming involved with a parent from the playpark in a similar situation. The voice-over between major scenes of the movie reminds me of a modern fable; it is calming and unsettling at the same time. The story draws you in early in the movie, and then systematically messes with your head. It pulls at the loose threads of your personality.

Little Children taps into the part of you that wonders “what if”. It explores the person we once knew, that we passed in the street, that we went to college with, or that we held a candle for. It’s difficult to watch at times – like a slow car crash involving several lives where the outcome is inevitable. While you might not approve of the events that unfold, you cannot help but sympathise with those involved, and hope for a good outcome – whatever it might be.

I find uncomfortable subjects in movies and books interesting. I also find other people’s reactions interesting too. Does that mean I am a voyeur, or a student of the human condition? Are they the same thing?

I read “Thus Spake Zarathustra” a couple of years ago, and it set me down the road towards some of the more famous works of Philosophy. I loved Plato – something about the abstraction, clarity and purity of thought appealed.

This virus is making clarity of thought almost impossible. I’m guessing a return to this post in days to come will result in either horror or hilarity.

Now would be a good time to stop writing. To relax. To recuperate. To recharge.

Time for another cup of tea. Better stay away from the playpark though.

p.s. I am becoming a huge fan of Kate Winslet